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@SamGrittner: what idiot called it a chicken instead of an eggplant
@brunopieroni: Nothing says "I'm stubborn" like owning a BlackBerry in 2013.
@SmithWit: I have concluded that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all the missing socks.
@fuzzlime: put a pic of a girl with perfect abs on my fridge so I'm motivated to suck in my gut every time I pull out the ice cream
@_SetTheHook_: Remember, ladies, when you're taking those selfies, the camera adds like 10 cats.
@TheTweetOfGod: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, there was a grim recognition of the fundamental uselessness of man's endeavors.