@SamGrittner: what idiot called it a chicken instead of an eggplant
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@rickkondell: Apparently, if you stop to help an armored truck broke down on the side road, they'll mace and taser you. In that order.
@shawnspree: I always carry a small bottle of Tabasco when I fly. You never know when you're going to crash in the Alps & have to live by eating people.
@onion_an: [1st day as judge] Murderer: [waves at me] Me [waves back]: He seems nice Lawyer: He killed six people Me: He probably didn't mean it
@ClamDive: Every episode of my life starts with a short recap and the voice over says "Previously on wasted potential..."