@Jenny4ashley: What idiot called it a driver's test and not a Game of Cones?
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@philmann: [me narrating a documentary about narrators] "I can't hear what they're saying cuz I'm talking"
@highwaytohelv: I'm getting concerned that Beyonce never told those single ladies to put their hands down and now there's a bunch of unfed cats out there.
@CrazyUncIeJoe: I just saw a baby wearing a shirt saying: "Santa doesn't exist, but that's ok, cause I can't read."