@Jenny4ashley: What idiot called it a driver's test and not a Game of Cones?
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@NoTrophy4You: The reason why there aren't much female superheroes is that you can't expect a girl to wear the same superhero costume twice in a month
@aveuaskew: If you hit a car that is blaring Christmas music before Thanksgiving, it will deploy tinsel instead of airbags.
@simoncholland: [Mother's Day text to my wife] Don't let the kids know I sent this but do you know where we keep the powdered sugar and band-aids?