@Vodkantots: What idiot called it "the clap" and not "dishonorable discharge?"
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@LuckoftheDraw86: In a room full of idiots screaming their opinions at the top of their lungs, be the guy in the corner doing finger guns with his reflection.
@dumbbeezie: I just want to learn enough sign language to convince a hair stylist to cut my hair in silence
@CulturedRuffian: Mom: You can't have cookies for breakfast! Me: Why? Mom: Have something healthy-here, eat these chocolate chip pancakes with syrup instead
@BangMyBongo: Some say Obama is the biggest liar of all time.. I say, the person who chose the spelling of, "Colonel" is the biggest liar of all time