@SuperJuanderer: What idiot called them swordfish instead of... oh, no, wait, actually that's pretty good.
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@BackrowSeats: Burger King's slogan "Have It Your Way" was shortened from "Are You Sure You Wanna Eat This? Ok. Have It Your Way".
@RickAaron: I hired a pizza chef as my new golf coach. One way or another the dude is gonna fix my slice.
@carlyken: [airport security] *BEEP* Ma'am, step through again *BEEP* Nice try pal, I'm not removing my Slayer shirt Ma'am, please it's too much metal
@thegreatnanak: I'm like a squirrel. If I'm crossing a road, and a car comes by, I never know what to do. I just go mad.