@OhNoSheTwitnt: What idiot decided to call them koalas instead of awww-stralians?
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@daemonic3: [shark tank] "Hi, what's your product idea?" Product? [holding bucket of live fish] I'm here to see the tank of sh-... I've made a mistake
@NoTheOtherJohn: PILOT: This isn't funny, Ed. Let me in COPILOT: *over intercom* Hey everyone, who'd like to hear a passage from the captain's dream journal?
@gaynorlsimpson: Therapist: what's your problem today? Me: I have this constant eye roll. Therapist: stop reading your own tweets.