@OhNoSheTwitnt: What idiot decided to call them koalas instead of awww-stralians?
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@TheToddWilliams: STICK BUG WIFE: We can't seem to get pregnant DOC: Well, we ran numerous tests… STICK BUG WIFE: …and? DOC: Your husband's an actual stick
@AaronFullerton: "Your present is too big and weirdly shaped to wrap. Oh! What if I buried it in the yard?!" -me, genuinely, earlier today. Wife said no.
@Contwixt: So instead of doing laundry I just spent 2 solid hours ranking my laundry baskets from favorite to least favorite.