@OhNoSheTwitnt: What idiot decided to call them koalas instead of awww-stralians?
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@funnyordie: Happy Columbus Day! Celebrate by going to the wrong house after work then claiming it as your own.
@flashember: [Swims out to Sea] *sees shark* OH NO! *dolphins save me* Thanks dolphins! *dolphins ask for a tip [I'm broke] *they return me to the shark*
@markleggett: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. These are the five stages of learning that Ben Affleck is the new Batman.