@OhNoSheTwitnt: What idiot decided to call them koalas instead of awww-stralians?
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@DaddyJew: Girl: do you have a condom? Me: c'mon what's the worst that could happen *hears a knock on the door 4: daddy I think I started a fire
@KalvinMacleod: GENIE: and for your first wish? ME: I wish that the end of every bag of chips was the start of another GENIE: holy shit!
@PJTLynch: I was laughing at these nerds for wearing their backpack over two shoulders instead of one, and they got so mad they jumped out of the plane