@nice_mustard: what idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
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@BlindChow: INTERVIEWER: it says here on your resume that you're good at small talk? ME: ʸᵉˢ INTERVIEWER: holy shit
@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm just a girl, with a baseball bat, smashing my internet modem into a gazillion pieces.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: What are Nazis? Me: Bad people who we killed a long, long time ago 5: Why were they bad? Me: They kept correcting our grammar
@TrueTorontoGirl: Cop: Do you have any drugs in the car? Me: Absolutely not. Trust me, I've looked.