@nice_mustard: what idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
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@man_spach: My Ebola outbreak brings the CDC to the yard and they're like, sir that's just irritable bowel syndrome.
@E_lok44: Me: What kind of stupid phone you got there? Him: Windows phone Me: Oh [takes it and lobs it out the window] Yes it is
@OhNoSheTwitnt: The moral of Snow White is if a woman poisons you because you're prettier than her, find some men to chase her off a cliff while you sleep.