@prufrockluvsong: early man: made primitive tools from stone late man: tries to sneak in without his boss noticing

@Ideal_Victoria: Me: It’s a beautiful night Him: What? Me: It’s a BEAUTIFUL night Him: What? Me: *opens trunk* I SAID, IT’S A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT!

@AngryBlkManDC: On this day 15 years ago my moms picked up the phone and interrupted a file at 96% I'd been downloading from Napster for 17 hours.

@PersianRose1: Bill Clinton hiding in the Bushes:

@jake_lach: Holy shit. I just realized this sales kid is treating me this way because he thinks I'm old