@CatsForDinnerz: What idiot named them twins instead of wombmates?
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@nbadag: THERAPIST: you're running from something. what do u think it might be? [goose outside the window does throat-slitting motion] ME: uh—failure
@dril: glorious crime spree after being fired from wal mart., expertly hopping fences, chugging all the seeds out of my neighbors bird feeders,
@miffedmim: Ghost: never eats, never sleeps, moans a lot Vampire: sucks the life out of u Werewolf: human w/ fits of howling Child: all of the above
@RunwayDan: You won't believe this, kids, but TV used to end. Every day. They played the national anthem, and then it just...stopped. Scary, huh?