@zachraffio: They say real men hunt their food, which is why I throw a spear through the box of pasta before letting it bleed out in my shopping cart.

@AverageClo: On a scale from 1 - overweight black woman, how confident are you?

@Spotzwoj: "I don't want to talk about it, so I posted some lyrics for you to decipher about how it's your fault." ~ girls

@lisaxy424: Based on how he reacts, you'd think my dog's entire family was killed by pizza delivery guys.

@Jake_Vig: *hires a group of teenage girls to giggle every time you walk by*