@dwaghalter: "What if a third team came and attacked these two teams?" - my daughter, not understanding football/making football more awesome
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@FillWerrell: If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest damnit! KNEES TO CHEST
@DrDogMD: NURSE: *bursts into break room* A man just came to the ER with a broken bone thru his skin! DR DOG: *looks at other Drs* I'll take this one
@Steelers1972: I know I'm getting old when I see a beautiful 19 year old girl and I wonder what her mother looks like.
@daemonic3: Cop1: Has becoming a father affected your work Cop2: Not a bit Cop1: Ok cover me, I'm going in Cop2: HI GOING IN I'M DAD [both get shot]