@dwaghalter: "What if a third team came and attacked these two teams?" - my daughter, not understanding football/making football more awesome
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@AtticusFinch79: [first date] Him: What are you passionate about? Me: *bats eyelashes* Taxidermy. Him: Animals? Me: Haha. Sure...
@doublewenis: Don't embarrass a guy by telling him his fly is open in public. Just be a man, walk over there, and slowly zip it up for him.
@LoveNLunchmeat: *gets called a psychopath *googles "What's the average IQ of a psychopath?" AWWW, HE THINKS I'M REALLY SMART.
@RobDenBleyker: Spider-Man reboots should start with the previous actor biting the new one as the origin story.