@mynameisntdave: What if all DJs decided at once to stop using the infamous air horn sound effect and started using the sound of an old man climbing stairs?
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@_ElvishPresley_: [trying on a camouflage jacket] Me: how much is this Store Clerk: how much is what
@Black__Elvis: I used to struggle to keep food on the table until I Googled "how to get your pet turtle Charles to hold still because he's a table now."
@hell_homer: kicked out of church. I yelled "YEAH WE "HAVE A MARIA", SHE'S MY AUNT, WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING IT WEIRD". mustve gotten too close 2 the truth
@hotdogsladies: Conjecture: At some point in 2013, our neighbors will get so high that they accidentally sell their own weed. For weed money. To buy weed.