@ShesAllNat: What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits? Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.
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@liv_thatsme: “Any plans this weekend?” Me: Just some baby seal clubbing. “YOU’RE A MONSTER!” Me: (later that night, having a warm cocoa with some conservationists at the Baby Seal Club) I don’t know why everyone at work hates me.
@TodaysResume: Include a snapshot of Doge the dog with your #resume. When asked about it during the interview, reply "What do you meme?"
@HenpeckedHal: Me: "As a single dad, I find that--" Her: "Uhhh, we're married." Me: "Right, but I'm the only dad."
@GavinProbably: I always ask Subway workers if THEY want double meat, then wink. Then I get kicked out.