@NikkiGlaser: What if ISIS started claiming responsibility for nice things like when my mom says, "who emptied the dishwasher?!"
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@Holy_Mowgli: ALEX TREBEK: this accidental discovery in 1928 opened the door to modern antibiotics ME: *spraying a mouthful of popcorn* WHAT IS A DOORKNOB
@DrDogMD: DR DOG: The vasectomy was a success. But until it's healed completely, you'll need to wear this *places cone around patient's neck*