@davedittell: what if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
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@liz_buckley: People laughed when I said I wanted to be a professional snooker player. They're not laughing now because it was ages ago.
@gerryhallcomedy: Dear guy who parked his Lexus across two parking spaces: Your car got paint on my keys.
@mattsurely: Me: What do you call sex in December? Wife: Don't say it. Me: ... W: ... Me: Wintercourse. W: (to judge) See this is why I need a divorce.