@ghostovpiss: what if spiderman shot spaghetti out of his wrists instead of webbing and worked at the olive garden
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@_davidlucas_: An egg with 28 followers says I'm not funny. So if you need me, I'll just be in the kitchen making an omelette.
@MoneypennyNaked: Me: I just need some time alone, please. *closes door* - Ma'am, if you're not trying on clothes, we'll need you to leave the dressing room.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 1-year-old refused to wear her shoes and carried them around instead. She can barely walk and she's already the drunk girl at the party.
@CandyCrisis: Captain Hook hated Paper Scissors Rock since he could only play Question Mark, which had no value in the game.