@SoFarFetchd: What if the weather talks about us?
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@jordan_stratton: You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn't notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
@dank_hitler: 1. Secretly take a bunch of pictures of someone you see everyday but barely know 2. Friend request them on FB 3. Tag them in 238 photos
@Ivsy01: Him: You'll always be the one that got away. Me: Escaped. Him: What? Me: I said Thanks.
@ElgatoEsmio: [holding an acorn] “do you still love me?” Wife yells outside- "that’s not even the same squirrel as yesterday!” "Shaddup you!"