@SMLXist: What in all holy hell is going on with this box of toilet paper I just got from Amazon
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@OfficeLinebcker: "If I eat my arm, I can't technically gain any weight" - my thought process after only 5 days of dieting. I'm doomed.
@ryaninco: Me: I'll take another drink. Bartender: Would you like for me to call you a cab sir? Me: No it's cool he's driving * points at chair*