@aparnapkin: What is it like to be a woman in comedy? I would say it's 1% jokes & 99% answering this question.
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@causticbob: I was thrilled when this beautiful girl came up and asked me for a date. Then I realised it was just because I work at a dried fruit stand.
@Bearslietoo: A good sign that you're not ready for children is if you cut your food with a credit card.
@KidBeatnix: If you want to play frisbee Buy a frozen pizza instead of a frisbee And when you get hungry from playing frisbee Eat your frisbee
@Julie_Cooker: Guys who go see 50 Shades of Grey... Do you all remain seated an extra 30 min after the movie's done? 💪