@aparnapkin: What is it like to be a woman in comedy? I would say it's 1% jokes & 99% answering this question.
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@johngcaldwell4: I dated a magician once; she put her hand on my leg and I turned into a motel.....
@daemonic3: Cookies from Best to Worst: 1. Chocolate chip 2. Girl Scout 3. Oreos ... ... 727. Browser 728. Tossed 729. Raisin
@garthinkingcap: [after solid first date] Ok play it cool, don't wanna seem too eager.. *texts her 47 years later* "Had a great time the other night :)"
@Brampersandon_: WIFE (noticing lipstick on my collar): have you been kissing another woman? ME: uhh MY DOG (with bright pink lips): go on, tell her