@aparnapkin: What is it like to be a woman in comedy? I would say it's 1% jokes & 99% answering this question.
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@jjhartinger: Co-Worker: You say apparently a lot. Me: Yes, I know. CW: It really bothers me. M: Apparently so. CW: You don't care. M: Apparently not.
@lovejulieacafe: I just opened an email from the vet wishing my dog a happy birthday. I replied asking them to call her because she can't read.
@errdayhustlah: My kid sat on the floor of a public restroom, so I had to throw him away and now I have to make a new one. Parenting is hard, you guys.