@walks_on_legs: What is this special type of waffle called a "Tennis racket" and why does it taste like metal wires?
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@maughammom: Told my kids to get rid of toys they don't play with, so if you hear a commotion it's just them desperately playing with every toy they own.
@DudeInABearSuit: If we are talking and I reach up and slowly turn my bear suit head around backward, our conversation is over.
@ericsshadow: SON: I'm moving out as soon as I turn 18 and you can't stop me. ME: [pumping fist] If you insist.
@RidiculousSheri: 'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."