@Molly_Kats: What kind of emotional tailspin causes people to "like" Lysol on Facebook?
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@iLikeCatShirts: Vanilla Ice: if there was a problem, yo I'll solve it... [Guy from back of concert]: why did my dad leave?
@MarionDowling: Sometimes I run across a room really fast so a spider sees me out of the corner of its eye and spends the evening worrying where I've gone.
@TheRolo: Customer: Excuse me, are you the manager? Those Xmas Hams are expired Manager: Um... [changes sign to "Vintage Hams"] Hipster: I'll take 4