@Molly_Kats: What kind of emotional tailspin causes people to "like" Lysol on Facebook?
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@CloydRivers: I do 8 sit-ups every mornin'. Might not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button. Merica.
@Rollmaninoz: Judge: and how does the defendant plead Lawyer: like this your honor *makes whiny voice *nooo I didn’t do any crimes* Judge: HAH do it again
@ruinedpicnic: me: honey, I'm home! [shuts door] girlfriend: (from bedroom) oh yeah harder me: if you say so [slams door]
@OfficeLinebcker: A: Just had to explain the difference between "mute" and "moot" to a younger co-worker. Q: Why am I drinking out of a flask at work?