@MariyaAlexander: What kind of outfit says "I want you to let me stand in your group so I don't look like a loser but I don't want to talk to any of you"?
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@shkeeber: Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can't get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
@GaryJanetti: I don't know why Russia is so homophobic. Most of the women there look like men anyway.
@shutupmikeginn: Sing me a song you're the piano man / clean out my pool you're the gardener /now light up my room you're a ceiling fan
@AndrewNadeau0: EXECUTOR OF MY WILL: I’m so sorry for your loss. Mr. Nadeau has requested he be mummified, but in Fruit Roll-Ups. WIFE: *Knocks on coffin* Andrew. You have to stop doing this. Are you alive? ME: *Muffled* No. WIFE: ME: *Muffled but sadder* Maybe.