@rcromwell4: What percentage of the zombies are just chasing you down to tell you they're vegan?
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@mrsmith196645: Guys, if your lady tells you she needs windshield wiper blades, SHE DOES NOT MEAN FOR CHRISTMAS!
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I think this patient is dying. What blood type is he?" Nurse: "B positive." Doctor: "Okay. I don't think this patient is dying."
@garrettbarry70: Wife. "Did you cut the grass?" Me. "Yep" Wife. "But it doesn't look any different!" Me. "I know, we had a lot of rain while you were out"