@DaddyJew: What the hell do you mean Buzzfeed isn't a reliable news source, it knew exactly what kind of pancake I'd be
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@Spaziotwat: I can finish The Times' crossword in under five minutes but I struggle to eat the whole paper
@Sickayduh: SON: what ya reading? DAD: a huge book on podiatry SON: how long is it? DAD: it's about a foot
@AimeeHelene1: (what they said) Please do not bring any alcohol on the plane. (what I heard) Please chug all alcohol & slap somebody before boarding.
@IamEnidColeslaw: trying to get through to Mozart on the Ouija board I really want him to listen to the Thong Song