@DaddyJew: What the hell do you mean Buzzfeed isn't a reliable news source, it knew exactly what kind of pancake I'd be
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@704919828: Apparently googling "how to get suspended with pay" from my work computer is frowned on by my employer.
@kelkulus: My girlfriend and I are celebrating our anniversary tonight by breaking up six years ago.
@Birdhumms: You want to make them feel welcome but not so much that they'd want to come back any time too soon. Socialising is hard.