@DaddyJew: What the hell do you mean Buzzfeed isn't a reliable news source, it knew exactly what kind of pancake I'd be
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@Clare_innit: It's fun to smudge your lipstick and ruffle your hair before you come out of your bosses office, then give your work colleagues a wink.
@DomBorrett: Record breaking, visionary director Steven Spielberg: 'Wanna play a dull, killed off screen character?' Samuel L Jackson: 'Sure'
@Mwass_: So I had self diagnosed back problems and went to check out orthopedic mattresses. I would like to testify that the price tag healed me.
@XplodingUnicorn: [scale says I've gained 5 pounds] Me: It's probably just what I'm wearing. Wife: You're naked. Me: Wife: Me: It's a heavy deodorant.