@punmagnate: Worm CEO cuts workforce in half, doubles productivity

@ShutUpThatsWho: [pirate ship capturing another ship] Pirate: Prepare to be bored! Other Captain: Don't you mean boarded? *pirate opens stamp collection*

@dlsims01: A woman always gets the last word in an argument, because anything a man says after that is the first words in a new argument.

@UtilityLimb: I'm not doubting that you're 1/8th Pond People, but this is a research paper. You can't cite "BOG WISDOM"

@JasonLastname: If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you'll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.