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@MariyaAlexander: Swimming is my favorite recreational activity that's also a desperate attempt not to die
@notalogin: You burn more calories chasing after your cat than you get from eating it. It's the celery of pets.
@jwoodham: Leonardo DiCaprio is totally getting laid tonight! This has nothing to do with the Oscar, just a safe assumption to make each and every day.
@ElleOhHell: UNCLE: Officers weren't even safe from their own men in Vietnam. ME: I've just decided it's too hard to zoom in on any more dogs' noses.