@omgthatspunny: What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: I just saved a bundle on future college tuition by finding out my 4 year old wants to be a gum ball when he grows up.
@SteveSuckington: For some reason, the Disney movie "101 Dalmatians" was much more popular than it's sequel "Picking up Dog Shit for Eternity."
@Mr_Kapowski: [magician rolls over in bed] "Last night was amazing" Woman: Magical. Make me breakfast? Magician: [waves magic wand, eats her]
@Sassafrantz: [lays down] Me: Feels so good to close my eyes. Brain: We should think about a fire evacuation plan.