@TheBoydP: What’s it called when you have decided to stop eating cold turkey sandwiches?
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@Home_Halfway: Keep your coworkers on their feet by beginning your next e-mail with "If you're reading this, I'm already dead."
@13spencer: After Captain America was thawed from the ice, his first encounter with a Japanese-American must've been really awkward.
@Brampersandon_: *walks into funeral while playing the mandolin* "I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?" *dead guy sits up in casket* No it sounds lovely. Keep going