@TheBoydP: What’s it called when you have decided to stop eating cold turkey sandwiches?
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@bridger_w: Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it's important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
@chimneyspotter: DR: Are you sexually active? ME: Very DR: Eating donuts alone in your car doesn't count ME: Still yes DR: Neither do croissants ME: Then no
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: this year, can you put the santa presents out for the kids christmas morning? GUY WHO NEVER FOUND OUT SANTA CLAUS ISN'T REAL: what
@newportdaddy: Michelle Obama & Melania Trump meeting: *shaking hands* Michelle: Hi, I'm Michelle. Melania: Hi, I'm Michelle.