@BatBatshitcrazy: What's it called when you wake up and have to delete 73% of your tweets from last night. Alcohol, it's called alcohol.
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@tiemoose: [Dracula giving his son "the talk"] Dracula: you see when two monsters love each other very much, they- Dracula's son: they do the mash Dracula: *nodding* they do the monster mash
@Dschnoeb: A woman on the subway this morning said "did you know the government is closed? Is it a holiday or something?" So really, we deserve this.
@Marcmywords2: Dear XBOX Kinect If I wanted to use my whole body to play sports, I'd play sports.