@Dana_Bruno: What's that thing called where every time you stand up you have to limp for the first minute? Oh yeah…39
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@Brianhopecomedy: To ensure that my wife will truly miss me when I go on trips, right before I leave I put a few spiders in the bedroom.
@longwall26: If someone you know is stressed out, be sure to tell them they need to relax. You'd be surprised how many people hadn't thought of that.
@iGreenMonk: TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
@shelbyfero: "Make it two if you count my great personality - three if we include my charm! Hahahahaha oh um yes it's a table for one."