@8bitf0x: whats the definition of a will? (lol come on guys its a dead giveaway)
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom and they never stopped asking questions. 4: Why?
@lcwf70: Failed Hallmark card: I'm sorry I stabbed you with a fork when you leaned in to kiss me. I thought you were going to take my taco.
@thatdutchperson: [blind date] Her: so do you go on a lot of dates? Me: *sucking the gravy from my plate* a lot of first ones.