@Dutch_50: What's the name of the phobia for a fear of opening your mailbox because there might be a wedding invitation inside?
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@behindyourback: My 1 yr old only says the words "no," "mine," and "bye" and I tried it out and it turns out that's actually all you need.
@iRandumbs: If I learned anything from Forest Gump it's that people who love to run are retarded.
@david8hughes: [the last supper] Waiter: ok, your bill comes to 30 pieces of silver Judas: I got this
@notacroc: [date] Her: so you're a mathematician? Me: no actually I'm a *pythagorean doves fly out of my sleeve and hit her in the face* mathemagician