@ericONEderful: What's the rule for Twitter crushes? So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.
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@xLiserx: Me: 6 tacos, please. Him: This is an ice cream truck. Me: 6 tacos & a swirl cone. Him: We don't serve tacos. Me: Your taco truck is broken.
@kyry5: [first day on the job as a drug dealer] *giggles* "We don't have coke, is Pepsi ok?" *gets stabbed*
@turtledumplin: If I ever got stranded on an island, I could totally use the glare that bounces off the whiteness of my legs to signal for help.