@TuffyNyC: What's up with all these idiots on TV trying to talk to ghosts? I don't even wanna talk to the living.
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@SortaBad: Me: how old is your daughter? Person: she's 31 months Me: ok but like how old in minutes?
@jessokfine: Witches these days have it so easy. Do you know how hard it used to be to find so many newts? Now you get them with free 2 day shipping.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: CNN: Trump removes screaming baby from rally Fox News: Trump rally interrupted by another unruly, entitled protestor who still lives at home
@duplicitron: You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."