@Bagyants: When a computer program says "Not Responding" I start texting it stuff like "Who are you with?" and "Just heard our song"
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@BobTheSuit: 911: Your emergency? -Karen asked me a question. 911: Not an emergency. -She asked if I could be more pacific. 911: Cars are on their way.
@david8hughes: Doctor: ok, just need a urine sample & we're done. Me handing him my boxers: I'm in a rush. Just wring these out.
@andylevy: twitter getting rid of the 140-character limit is a bad idea. the ability to say what you need to say in as few words as possible is (1/533)
@iliezabeth: DRAGON: get AWAY from me ME: let me pet ur scales pls DRAGON: I don't even KNOW u ME: breathe fire on me DRAGON: *is creeped out*