@Bagyants: When a computer program says "Not Responding" I start texting it stuff like "Who are you with?" and "Just heard our song"
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@ConorTripler: my GOTH DAD license plate is not a vanity plate it is a coincidence. random string of letters. could ve happened to a dad without eyeliner
@Brianhopecomedy: My mother-in-law talked non-stop while we watched Criminal Minds and now I have an idea for a cool new episode.
@rickolantern: *stands on scanner at self checkout, weighing self after keying in mango code, just to see what net worth is in mangoes
@McNevich: Had pumpkin flavored coffee this morning and immediately signed up for a Zumba class and kidnapped 2 kids and drove them to a soccer field