@raydred: Grampa: Hashtag, Cool glasses.
Me: Hashtags are a social media thing. You don't have to say, hashtag
G: Hashtag, not my favorite grandson
@samalmightysam: • You're born.
• You grow up.
• You believe in Santa.
• You stop believing in Santa.
• You look like Santa.
• You are Santa.
• You die.
@tjcirimele: *cat lays on my leg*
*I remain perfectly still for hours, so she won't leave*
*I move half an inch*
*cat buys bus-ticket for next town over*
@GoldenSpirals: I've had 3 new bosses at work in the last 6 months.
I wonder when they're going to bring me in for questioning.
I should move the bodies.
@Fickle_Filly: Me:
1. Talking cats
2. Real lightsabers
3. Cars that fire missiles
Genie: Put me back in the bottle and give me to someone normal.
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