@stockejock: When a cop pulls you over for a DUI at 2am on Friday night & tells you to walk the line-it's never good to start singing Johnny Cash songs.
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@LaceyNycole: Guy: Are you pregnant? Me: No, I'm a Ninja Turtle with my shell on BACKWARDS. Guy: ..... Me: Cowabunga, douche!
@Dutch_50: So, wearing fur is wrong but wearing a Hawaiian shirt is OK? Do they even know how many Hawaiians had to die to make that shirt?
@ceejoyner: Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner.
@ladybroseph: *drives motorized scooter into meeting I'm late for, around the conference table, and out the door*