@alfageeek: When a dish comes out of the dishwasher still dirty, I just put it back in for another round, because I believe in second chances.
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@UncleDuke1969: "How much for this toaster?" "An arm & a leg." "How about a leg & 2 fingers?" "A leg & 3 fingers." "Deal!" - Cannibal Pawn Stars
@TheAlexP: Karate classes... Because breaking boards on your head is all cool and shit if a House ever starts attacking you.
@wittwitbarista: With the magic of makeup, I go from tired old hag to tired looking old hag with eyeliner.
@storming01: In a cementary, I saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone. Morning, I said. No, he said, just taking a dump... .