@i_Lean: When a duck takes a selfie, it makes a lonely white girl face.
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@UncleDuke1969: Jim: I'm totally spacing out on a word. Me: OK J: What's that awful thing called... M: ... J: You wake up with it after you drink? M: Linda.
@lolajxx: Personal Trainer- So how have you been cutting your carbs? Me-Mostly with a bread knife or a pizza slicer
@craigrachel: The dogboner /Neil degrasse Tyson situation has been an elaborate ruse all so Michael hale could claim on gawker that he has a girlfriend