@Aspersioncast: When a girl says, "I think we should talk," it's never about the Bat Mobile.
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@markleggett: We only have world peace today thanks to the tireless efforts of thousands of former beauty queens who didn't give up on their dreams.
@ShortSleeveSuit: Me: *sigh* I've had so many shellfish lovers Doctor: You mean selfish? [30 crabs come out of my pants] Doctor: Haha here's some cream
@Tommytoughstuff: [Hardware store] ME: I'll take one of those giant forks. WORKER: That's a rake. ME: I'm gonna eat so much spaghetti with that thing.