@nerdsrockk: When a guy flirts with me I start blushing uncontrollably and I hide. Then I wait for them outside their house wearing a wedding dress.
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@thejessbess: This guy at speed dating asked if I have any weird tattoos I was like lol not if you love The Golden Girls.
@TheTweetOfGod: The real reason David beat Goliath is that when David threw a rock, Goliath threw scissors.
@KristinHalbrook: Advice for all girls: You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. But you catch the most flies with corpses.
@MelvinofYork: Me: Just so you know, I’m DTF right now. Wife: I don’t know what "DTF" means. Me: Take a guess. Wife: (pause) Definitely Too Fat?