@ProblyDrinking: When a pregnant woman swims she is literally a human submarine.
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@FlyoverJoel: Civil War reenactments are a lot like meetings. You do the same thing over and over again while waiting for your turn to die.
@UncleBob56: Daughter: Dad, you need a smart phone. Me: Will it make my dinner? D: No but- M: Good talk.
@SteveSuckington: Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? B: What? You aren't doing anything M: sorry I'm super high. What was the question?