@ProblyDrinking: When a pregnant woman swims she is literally a human submarine.
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@ForEllieSylvia: Sorry I flinched when you told me you loved me. I've been practicing my poker face. Can we try again?
@CubanaMama82: I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it's obvious he had no idea how letters work.
@MicheleAKALips: Sometimes when I'm bored I send a text to a random number saying, "ok they're dead, what do I do with the body?"
@GaryJanetti: College graduates, did you know there are people that went to Princeton that can't find a job? And you just went to a normal shitty school.