@hot_coughy: When a woman says "I can't even tell you how upset I am right now" just wait 3 seconds.
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@TheRolo: *Texts* Can I come over bae? I need you. <3 *Gets reply text* DUDE, STOP CALLING ME THAT. I'M YOUR DEALER NOT YOUR BAE. BRING CA$H!
@Owl_Meat: [Car breaks down] Me:*inspecting engine* Date: is everything ok? Me: *nervously searching 100 now empty hamster wheels* haha..y-yep
@Playing_Dad: Teacher: Does anyone have questions? Me: If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner? T: Holy Shit