@TheReal_AndyMac: When a woman says, "We need to talk", it's no good. Never has a woman said, "We need to talk" and followed it up with "about pillow forts".
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@rickygervais: A Christian telling an atheist he is going to Hell is about as scary as a small child telling an adult they wont get any presents from Santa
@Ndeshi_M: Him: I'd go to the end of the world for you! Me: Well... what are you waiting for then?
@OhMyBlondie: If you have your Twitter account linked to Facebook I don't think you understand what it is we do here.
@david8hughes: [at work] "Mornin, Margaret." "Mornin. You're late today." [looks at watch] "Not as late as your dead husband though, am I?"