@TheReal_AndyMac: When a woman says, "We need to talk", it's no good. Never has a woman said, "We need to talk" and followed it up with "about pillow forts".
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@kwirkyKerri: Then Satan said, "Let's convince everyone they need to go gluten free." And that kids, was the Christmas fiasco of 2015.
@Carbosly: Baby showers are so weird. It's like "hey, congrats on having a functional reproductive system".
@HallpassCanada: My work has this cute thing they do where if you're really good at your job, they get you to do everyone elses too.
@Scimommy: Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL? Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.