@TheTweetOfGod: When Adam and Eve ate the apple I remember thinking, "Well, that's a sin, but at least it's original."
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@_NTFG_: Sometimes when I say "I'm OK", what I really want is for someone to give me a hug, say "You're not OK" and hand me $10,000.
@faulkingway: (Starbucks drive thru) Me: I'd like to pay-it-forward for the car behind me. Barista: That will be $30 Me: How much for the car behind him?
@weinerdog4life: Me: nice car Friend: yeah 400 horsepower Me: that's like 7000 ducks Friend: what Me: what
@Tmoney68: Got kicked out of the karaoke bar last night for getting 3 women pregnant when I sang Careless Whisper.