@TheTweetOfGod: When Adam and Eve ate the apple I remember thinking, "Well, that's a sin, but at least it's original."
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@ceejoyner: If you don't like your son, grab a football and tell him to go long. Never throw it. He's gone now.
@Rollinintheseat: [blind date] Him: "I'm a big Beethoven fan." ME *trying to impress him* "Saint Bernards are my favorite dog breed."