@iheartgunts: When an unattractive woman in a bar asks me my sign I tell her "Stop."
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@tastefactory: [at subway] And just a little lettuce. *the guy starts backing a truck full of lettuce toward my sandwich & the truck is beeping* No wait.
@rev_revolver: once a woman in the mall said "isn't everything cuter with babies?!" and jeff replied "not coffins" and just stared at her until she cried