@canadasandra: When attempting to make a good first impression imagine how important good grammar is. Wrong. Importanter.
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@sexncake: I'm trying to become a vegetarian so from now I'm only eating seafood. Like lobster, prawns and drowned cows.
@mishakey: Him: Get on my level. Me: You're a gamer? Him: .... Me: .... Him: You need to get out more. Me: *mumbles* Your face needs to get out more.
@JessicaVarsity: I just leaped over a 3ft tall dog gate with the skill and grace of an olympian to get a snack from microwave. *Adds track star to resume*
@jngraphs: *Writes a song for you* *Sings it under your bedroom window* *You call the cops* *Your husband falls in love with me*