@canadasandra: When attempting to make a good first impression imagine how important good grammar is. Wrong. Importanter.
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@MoneypennyNaked: Apparently speed dating doesn't involve taking amphetamines. UGH. Worst night ever.
@Fred_Delicious: "Dad can we get a puppy?" "No but we can get a submarine if you like?" [2 hours later 3000m beneath the pacific] "dad I should be at school"
@sbellelauren: thank god 50 shades of grey got the R rating they wanted because what kid under 18 wouldn't want to watch 50 shades of grey with a parent
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what's your biggest weakness? Me: ha nice try I: excuse me? M: that's how Lex Luthor beat Superman. I'm not stupid.