@KentTheG: When co-workers ask if the photos on my desk are my kids, I like to say, "No, they're Dan's from accounting. But they're so cute!"
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@RidiculousSheri: "Shelley's coming over." "Shelley from work or Shelley who was raised by gorillas?" *gets hit in the face with poop*
@CarolinaSong: I'm at the bar & I'm trying to convince this girl with a leopard print shirt to go & bite this girl with a zebra print shirt.
@HollyHeals: Ever have the shower curtain touch you unexpectedly and start karate chopping the air?? No, me either.