@Blunt_Sarcastic: When coming out of any coma, try keeping your eyes shut for another day or two to see what everyone's saying about you.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@mattgallo123: My waterproof phone is advertised in commercials with people surfing and kayaking and here I am tweeting in the shower.
@murrman5: [to snake at news station] you can't do weather anymore "ssswhy not?" are we getting rain tomorrow? "sssno" do you see how that's confusing?
@megbada: I absolutely recommend falling in love with your twitter crush and traveling about 3612 miles to boink them.
@shadygrenade: Obama: Get Air Force One ready. Biden: OK! *runs off* Obama: The plane, not the movie. *Biden does 360* Biden: Yeah I know.