@NotthatAdamWest: When did intentionally misspelling words become a thing? Kewl? Gurl? You know what I dig? Literacy.
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@topaz_kell: To the person who honked to get me out of my parking space faster, thank you for inspiring me to delete 3000 emails right here, right now.
@FloodyHippie: My cat was bitten by a squirrel and I have to suck the rabies out before she slips into a double cheese burger. --how I cancel dates