@noxxhell: When Doves get married in a parallel universe they release screaming humans from the cage.
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@Dschnoeb: Someone who blocked me on Twitter just added me on Instagram. If you can't love me at my bad jokes, you don't deserve me at my cat photos.
@Nikkeya08: Unfortunately Katy Perry, I couldn't fit in the skin tight jeans so instead of a teenage dream my husband gets Blair Witch.
@TheCatWhisprer: Forgot to use a coupon my wife gave me so now I have to hide it like it's a dead body.
@RamblingMachine: Reflections on this mirror appear uglier than they really are because of the erroneous standards of beauty set by our judgemental society.