@noxxhell: When Doves get married in a parallel universe they release screaming humans from the cage.
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@TheRolo: Date: So what do you do for fun? Me: [Flashes back to me tightly strapping a Rolex around a quail] I love bird watching.
@ImFordTough: Pretty awesome how you can buy chocolates on February 13th and everyone assumes you have a girlfriend & not a grudge w/ your neighbor's dog.
@shesxridiculous: If I was a waitress, I would plant fake engagement rings in every girls champagne glass, just to watch the boyfriends panic.
@MatCro: ME: I want the car's brake lines to rust SCIENTIST: I'm listening ME: [slides over envelope full of cash] But make it look like an oxidant