@michaeljhudson: When Edison got the idea for the lightbulb, an oil lamp appeared over his head.
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@KeetPotato: doctors before an x-ray be like "dont worry this is perfectly safe" and then the dude goes to egypt to press a button
@pickupIines: are you my appendix because i don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out
@Ideal_Victoria: Me: Ugh! I never know what to say in these situations... Friend: You say 'good morning' back
@QwertyJones3: Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I just want a girl who gets at least 100 likes on every selfie.