@michaeljhudson: When Edison got the idea for the lightbulb, an oil lamp appeared over his head.
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@david8hughes: [turns up radio in the car] Me: I love this song. I want us to conceive our first child to it Hitchhiker: dude just drop me off here
@TFriss: If you watch Harry Potter backwards, Voldemort is really good at zapping people back to life and turning Harry into a baby.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: where's your brother? OLDEST CHILD: where's another roll of duct tape? ME: *sprints to the basement*
@trevso_electric: Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.