@weinerdog4life: When God invented snakes he was like do you want legs or do you want to look like a scary belt, too late scary belt
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@Deirdreocx: [Courtroom] Judge: Have you been up before me? Convict: I don't know, Judge. What time were you up this morning?
@chimneyspotter: *reads online that you should befriend your coworkers with some water cooler talk* ME (to coworker): So, are you into water coolers?