@duplicitron: When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now.
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@buhsbaby_baby: If by "be (your) girlfriend" you mean "catch spiders and hide them in your pockets everyday" then yes, I'll be your girlfriend.
@lloydrang: Never mistake my kindness for weakness. Never mistake my silence for approval. And never, ever, mistake my appetizer for a sharing platter.
@InternetHippo: "The ship is sinking!" Me (calmly): bring me noodles, tomatoes, and cheese "You can save us with that?" Me (making one last lasagna): what