@duplicitron: When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LurkAtHomeMom: Pediatrician: How much water does she drink? Me: You mean like water water or bath water?
@Adam14: My wife doesn't have a Honey-Do list. She has a Cantaloupe list, which has all the girls I'm not allowed to run away with
@MazMEDEA: Really not sure what's all the fuss about the Queen's #Nazi salute, everyone knows 'Scissors Beat Paper'
@rolldiggity: Even scarier than seeing a shark fin in the water is seeing a lion mane, because you know the chase isn't over once you reach land.